


Face All The Pain and Take It On

by notquitepunkrock



Series: And One Time... [3]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: (granted no one in this 'verse is), Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anorexia, Could be Frerard, Eating Disorders, I kinda use fuck a lot, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Oneshot, The Author Regrets Everything, Triggers, but its probs just friendship, gerard's not okay, im sorry, the ending is crap, this is shitty sorry, very very small reference, why is that a tag and why do i feel it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 00:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5313959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notquitepunkrock/pseuds/notquitepunkrock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, five times Gerard wasn't hungry, and one time he clearly was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Face All The Pain and Take It On

**Author's Note:**

> TW for depression and ED. (anorexia)
> 
> Why do I like angsty fics? (Answer: I suck at writing fluff. Like, really fucking suck. Which stupid, seeing as I've had a boyfriend for like a year and a half.)
> 
> Sorry sorry sorry. This sucks so bad.
> 
> Gerard and Ray are 18, Lyn-Z is 19, Frank is 14, Mikey is 15, Pete is 16, Patrick is 14, and Hayley is 12. In case you needed some clarification.
> 
> Title from The Only Hope For Me Is You by My Chemical Romance

**~one~**

“Hey Gerard, I’m making pancakes. You want some?” Mikey asked, sticking his head into his brother’s messy basement bedroom. His hair was oddly glittery and he wore an oversized t-shirt with a unicorn on the front.

Gerard jumped, not expecting to see the kid this early on a Saturday morning. (Though honestly, Mikey was probably equally surprised that Gerard was awake at seven AM.)

“Um, no,” he said, trying to play off his surprise. “I’m not hungry - I’ll eat later though. Why’re you up so early?”

Mikey raised his eyebrows, coming far enough down the stairs that he could perch on them and still see Gerard’s room. “I never fell asleep,” he admitted, “But don’t tell Mom that. What about you?”

“Same,” Gerard said, running a hand through his short, nearly white hair. “Too much art, not enough time.” He gestured to the drawing he was working on, grinning half-heartedly.

Mikey frowned, but didn’t question his brother’s lack of enthusiasm. “You sure you don’t want anything?” he asked, starting to stand. Gerard’s stomach ached, begging for food, but he shook his head.

“Nah, thanks though,” he said. _I’m too fat to eat._

**~two~**

Gerard walked towards the tree where his friends were gathered, pausing just long enough to throw his bagged lunch into the trash can. He felt guilt about throwing away perfectly good food when there were probably people that needed it, but there was no other way he could get out of eating. Not with their friends around. And he didn’t want to be fat. He had to be perfect.

When he finally settled into his spot between Mikey and Ray, no one seemed overly interested in why he was later than usual. That is, until Lyn-Z and Ray shared a look - _that_ look, the one that meant they were concerned about someone. Gerard _hated_ that look. It’s a look that got him into therapy two years before, one that they shared whenever Frank complained of a bruising from Bob, and right before yanking far too many bottles out of Mikey’s hands at far too many social events (especially since he was only fifteen.)

“Hey, Gee?” Ray said, holding out a slice of his pizza from the cafeteria. “You don’t have a lunch. You want some of mine?” Mikey looked up from his ancient GameBoy, which he, Pete, and Frank were hunched over, and frowned. He was sure he remembered Gerard packing a lunch this morning.

Gerard hid his flinch. “Nah man, I can’t take your lunch,” he said, “You need it more than me.” Lyn-Z took this as her cue to offer up, waving a sandwich in the air.

“I have an extra sandwich,” she said. “Roast beef. Mom is never convinced that what I bring’ll be enough food.”

Gerard shook his head. “No, no,” he said, “I’m fine. Not even hungry, really. I grabbed something from the vending machine on the way to second period.” Mikey narrowed his eyes at his older brother, but didn’t comment, slowly turning back to his game. Frank’s suspicion, on the other hand, clearly lingered, as he watched Gerard for a long moment until the older boy gave a reassuring smile.

**~three~**

His cousin laughed happily as he smeared cake into his new wife’s face. Everyone was smiling, thinking this a wonderful thing, the start of a delightful marriage… except for Gerard. All he could of think as he sipped on his sparkling cider was how many calories would be in one slice of his cousin’s wedding cake. (Also, how to keep both himself and Mikey from straying towards the punch that he knew was spiked with vodka - Mikey, because he was so scared of people, and himself because he wanted a drink - and that he wished Frank could have come with them.)

“C’mon Gee, let’s get cake,” Mikey said, setting his glass down. “Also maybe some soda, since you’re so adamant that we stay sober - it’s a wedding, everyone gets drunk at weddings.”

Gerard rolled his eyes, reaching over to brush a piece of lint off the shoulder of his brother’s black buttondown. “I’m not hungry,” he said, “We had that big lunch, remember? Also, yes, but that doesn’t mean the fifteen-year-old is allowed to drink, and it’s my job as big brother to watch out for you.”

Mikey groaned, ducking away as Gerard made to fix his bright red tie. “Fine,” he said. “I’m still getting cake. You sure you don’t want some?”

Gerard fixed his own red tie, shaking his head. “I’m good,” he said, following closely behind his brother - had to make sure the kid didn’t sneak off and convince a more sympathetic cousin to give him a beer, after all.

Mikey narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but continued towards the table where the caterer was setting out pre cut slices of cake. He had decided to ignore it for now, the same way Gee ignored the scars that sometimes appeared on his arms - it was a quiet state of agreement, but it was there.

**~four~**

“Gerard you’re too fucking thin,” Lyn-Z said, holding her chips out to him. “Seriously, put a little meat on those bones, yeah?”

Gerard blushed, shaking his head and pushing the bag away. “I...I ate before I left the house,” he mumbled, looking anywhere but at Frank and Mikey.

His brother and Frank exchanged glances and leaned subtly towards Lyn-Z. “No he didn’t,” Mikey whispered to the older girl. Frank shook his head in support. The girl’s eyes crinkled in concern, but she didn’t say anything. She couldn’t just confront him - not here in Pete’s basement with everyone they knew staring at them.

**~five~**

No one said anything as Gerard excused himself to his room for dinner, saying “I’m not hungry, don’t worry.” He took a plate with him “for later,” and brought it back empty, but Mikey swore he saw his big brother scraping it off in the garbage when he and Pete and Frank and Patrick crept outside after dark.

Ray, who lives next door, thought that he saw the same thing when he glanced outside earlier, but he isn’t sure. It was dark, after all, and Gerard claimed he ate the food. They couldn’t act just _not believe_ him, right?

**-ONE-**

“Fuck Gee, just stop saying you’re fine,” Mikey snapped one day. “Because you’re clearly fucking not.”

Time seemed to slow down as the two brothers stared at each other. “Mikey,” Gerard muttered, eyes darting between Lyn-Z, Frank, Ray, Hayley, and Patrick, who looked uncomfortable with the younger boy’s confrontation, and his brother’s face. “We’ll talk about this later, okay? I’m just tired and aggressively un-hungry.”

“No,” Frank piped up. “We’re gonna talk about this now.”

 _Dammit,_ Gerard thought, glaring at the short boy. He ran a hand through his short hair, not even noticing that Mikey did the same. _Look at what you’ve done now. You’ve fucked up and now they’re onto you._

Gerard did the only thing he thought to do - plastered on a smile. “Guys, guys, guys,” he laughed. “There’s absolutely nothing to talk about.”

Hayley and Patrick glanced at each other from the corners of their eyes, seemingly coming to a silent agreement. Patrick smiled in a way that seemed a little too fake, and grabbed the small redhead and Lyn-Z’s hands, tugging the girls away from the brothers.

“Lyn-Z promised to drop us off, and Hayley has to be home in like, twenty minutes,” he said, sounding apologetic. The older girl started to protest, but Patrick glared at her sharply. Lyn-Z sighed, letting herself be dragged away by the fourteen-year-old boy, but sent a look over her shoulder that read ‘ _we’ll talk about this later._ ’

“Seriously, guys,” Gerard started. He only got those two words out of his mouth before Ray was dragging him out of _his own house_ and into the one next door. He forced Gerard up the stairs, with Frank and Mikey close behind, slamming the door to the bedroom behind him.

“Well, that was an unexpected display of strength. You go, Glen Coco,” Gerard said, raising his eyebrows. Ray rolled his eyes, pushing the boy towards his bed and collapsing into his desk chair.

“Shut up, Gee,” Mikey huffed, falling onto the floor. Frank was the only one to join Gerard on the bed, placing a hand tentatively on the older boy’s shoulder. “You know Mom and Dad are due home any minute, and it wouldn’t be great for you if they heard this conversation.”

Ray nodded. “This is an intervention,” he said, glancing at Frank for assistance. Frank shrugged, rolling his eyes. Ray frowned at the short boy. “You’re not eating, Gerard.”

“I’m just not hun-”

“Cut the crap, Gerard,” Frank snapped removing his hand from his friend’s shoulder. He glares at the taller boy, running a hand through short black hair. “I can hear your stomach grumbling.” Gerard scowled at his stomach.

“You’re skin and bones,” Mikey muttered, “It’s not okay.” He looked at his brother with desperation in his eyes, and Gerard felt a part of his heart break.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around himself. “I just want to be perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> Shit ending, sorry.
> 
> If this is your first one of my fics, then first of all, you're lucky. Second, I've got two more in this series (one about Pete and one about Frank), that you might like if you like reading sad shit. Which I'm assuming you do, since you just read this. #shamelessselfpromo
> 
> Also, it has just occurred to me that, like, I mention the girls? But they haven't been like, legit characters? So I might do something about them. IDK I need inspiration. (ALSO if anyone has an idea for a fic about like Josh or Patrick or Brendon or like, anyone, hmu via comments or some shit.) ((might have an idea for Hayley, but if you got one, please, I'm all ears. Or eyes, as the case may be.))


End file.
